Relationships can be saved one card at a time. On the eve of Valentine’s Day, Lorella Fava meets JULIAN and JOANNA SANT FOURNIER founders of Couple Cards, to discuss their international card game and new app.

“It all started with a dream,” Julian Sant Fournier says as we sit down to discuss love, communication and relationships. To view how the app works, visitwww.couplecards.com/other/training-videos.

Julian and his wife Joanna have been volunteers with the Cana movement for the past 14 years. The couple explain how, during these years, they gained a lot of experience in handling couples and decided it was time to do more. Moreover, Julian, whose full time job involves family law, has a front row seat of the deterioration of relationships.

 

Joanna explains how given such a situation, they were used to seeing couples at the very beginning, when everything appears to be a bed of roses, and at the end of the relationship when problems lead them to court.

The Couple Cards, which Julian and Joanna came up, with are a fun way to help couples develop skills to build a strong relationship. It all started when five couples who had done their Cana courses with Julian and Joanna came up with the idea of meeting up a number of years later and doing a session similar to the ones they had done before they got married.

 

Julian and Joanna accepted wholeheartedly and created cards on which they wrote topics the couples could discuss. Showing me one of the homemade cards, the couple explain how the evening was a huge success and the Couple Cards started to take shape. “With the help of couples we managed to develop the cards.”

However, developing the cards was not an easy journey. Having gone to a number of advertising agencies, Julian half smiling says how a lot of them refused the design job and even went so far as to tell them that their dream will never work.

 

Nonetheless, there was one agency that believed in their concept. It was just this one nod that Julian and Joanna needed to start what is now an international idea, with the cards presently being offered in nine different languages. The cards are used in the form of a game. The idea is to “try and find something fun and interactive rather than simply writing a book – something which is more of a tool that allows couples to play together”.

 

The cards are divided into four categories: the blue cards are for feelings, the purple cards for bad moves, green cards are for good moves and the golden cards are for making up. Handing me the blue cards I start my ownlittle mini workshop. The cards express feelings – such as feeling hurt or missing someone – everyone who is in a relationship experiences at one point or another.

 

Julian and Joanna explain how the feelings cards help a person connect with their innermost feelings. “The blue cards are like a springboard for sharing – it initiates the process of dealing with that particular feeling and be sincere about it. They help you give a name to a particular emotion by choosing a card that reflects it best.”

“The concept is simple,” explains Julian. “You place the card next to the coffee in the morning. When your husband/wife sees this it automatically means that there is enough love that you are willing to share your feelings with them.”

Adding to this, Joanna suggests that the feelings cards truly help those who are perhaps a bit more closed off. “When you see them laid out on the table it helps someone open up and express their feelings.” At the back of every card the couple can also find hints to help them discuss the issue at hand. The next step is for couples to look at the bad moves cards. They help you give a name to a particular emotion. “We ask couples to be humble and choose which one they would usually do to cope with the feelings they would have previously chosen.”

As we joke about our own personal favourites, Joanna suggests that: “Everyone does most of them and this is the beauty of it. It helps couples from different walks of life connect.”

The bad moves cards represent things that are most frequently the reasons why couples separate. “Bring up the past”, “widen the argument” and “avoid, hide the problem or give up” are some of the moves presented at this stage. At the back of the cards the consequences of such actions are listed.  Moving on to the good moves cards – which carry statements like “understand the person’s needs” and “understand how the person feels” – this stage of the game allows couples to look at different, healthier ways of dealing with their problems. “Talking about the problem is half the solution.”

 

The golden cards, or making up cards, are the end result of the process. However, before getting to this stage a couple must go through a number of good moves. “This ensures that the golden cards are used in complete honesty.” Furthermore, Julian and Joanna also offer create-your-own cards and so allow couples to personalise the cards even more. This helps couples realise that they have the tools they need to improve their communication. “If the couple does it together, the cards become theirs – it’s like a tool set. “If we could just help one couple, it’s enough – it makes it all worth it,” Julian says, adding that at the end of the day, “one family is a generation”.

 

Accordingly, living in the digital age in which younger generations often communicate with their partners through phones and social media, Julian and Joanna have also launched the Couple Cards app. The app was developed by a couple who attended one of Julian and Joanna’s workshops, which run approximately once every two weeks. The couple, who own a company called Vioside, donated the app for free. “The couples we help in turn help us back.” The scope of the app is that couples will always have the cards with them and can share them electronically. The app is available for iOS and one can easily send a card to their partner – you are also given the option to put in a message along with the card. Nonetheless, Julian and Joanna insist that attending a workshop before downloading the app would be highly beneficial.

 

The concept of Couple Cards is truly a beautiful idea. Julian and Joanna’s dream is that all couples in Malta will have a set of these cards as to ensure that people are well-trained to cope with their problems before it comes to the point of no return. Now that they are training people internationally so they can conduct workshops abroad, the concept is becoming quite big and it seems like Julian and Joanna’s dream might very well come true.

For more information visit www.couplecards.com.